With his unflattering attempts to slide into a female's DMs being made public, coupled with a tweet showing another female's backside (unbeknownst to her, I might add), you'd think J.R. Smith would've learned to be more scrupulous about his love life. Not so.
The Cleveland Cavaliers were crowned champions of the Eastern Conference Finals for the second straight season on Friday night, and Smith wasted no time saddling up to the newest fling in his life: the ECF championship trophy. His wooing was so direct, so forward, you'd think the lovely trophy would've gone running in the other direction. But it can be hard to resist the seduction tactics of the man they call "The Pipe," and Smith and his trophy bride appear to be well on their way to a life of happiness and fulfillment. Here's the story of how two people, or one person and an inanimate object, from two very different walks of life became one in holy matrimony.
11:30 p.m.: Cavs defeat the Toronto Raptors in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals, becoming Eastern Conference Champions for the second straight season.
11:37 p.m.: ESPN's Doris Burke presents the Cavs with the Eastern Conference Championship trophy. This is the first time Smith lays his eyes on his future love, as he stands only a few feet away from the trophy being displayed on a round table in the middle of the room.
11:39 p.m.: Smith touches the trophy for the first time, caressing it's smooth head with both hands, before passing it on to his teammates.
11:40 p.m.: Smith snatches the trophy and carries it into the locker room. The mating ritual has already begun.
11:50 p.m.: Smith has a quiet moment with bae at his locker.
11:50 p.m.: Smith places his new love above his locker while he showers, in case any of his teammates try to holler at his woman.
12:00 a.m.: Smith, waiting to consummate the wedding with his new bride, grows impatient. He stands off to the side while LeBron, Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love conduct their post-game press conference, annoyed. Smith checks his watch, sighs, and asks, "Can we go? This thing is getting heavy." This "thing," of course, is his wife, fast asleep in his arms, her weight waning on Smith's biceps.
12:15 a.m.: Smith's now-wife makes it through customs cleanly in Toronto, and the two board a plane bound for Cleveland, where the two have plans to immediately move in together. Truly the love story of our generation.