At 8:32 a.m. on Sunday, June 12th, Robert Griffin III tweeted the following:
In it's wake, it left a nation befuddled, confused and searching for answers. What did it mean? What could it mean? Were the word in the accompanying caption meant to be taken at face value? Or were the letters left to be rearranged, revelaing the tweet's true meaning only when they'd been correctly reorganized?
If we did take RG3's words at their basic meaning, then what could the quarterback have meant by "Genuinely be you today"? Is Robert's true self actually that of a Trollz doll, his usual braids plucked from their patterns to reveal the wispy hair of the cartoon character he truly is?
And if Robert is indeed part of the Trollz community, are there other Trollz living amongst us? Is Iman Shumpert also a Trollz? Have we been so blind to have harbored Trollz in our communities for years without so much as a skeptical eye? Is the Trollz revolution upon us?
Or is Robert's shagginess simply a cry for help, a symbol in revolt against societal norms that define you by the hairstyle you keep? If it is, then let your hair down, sweet Robert. Let it rustle in the breeze off of Lake Erie, and do not be offended when a Twitter user calls you "Danny Brown lookin' ass," for it is an honor to be compared to that Detroit rapper. This 2016 season with the Cleveland Browns is a rebirth, both for your career and your hair.
But, if you actually are a Trollz doll, at least inform us of such so that we can take appropriate action by resealing you back into the purchased package of whence you came. May you return to the shelves of Toys R'Us in peace.